Doors Opening. Why Am I Afraid?Jun 05, 2013
Yesterday I caught myself experiencing fear. The fear translated into skepticism, doubt, and the rapid development of limits and restrictions. What happened? The door to a deep driving desire opened slightly to a possible opportunity.
In 1995, I was introduced to a spiritual/cultural practice that deeply intrigued me. Reading books and talking to folks about the practice, I became interested in learning more. Through the years, I’ve had fleeting experiences with spiritual practice. My appetite whetted but never satiated. To be satiated would mean that I could learn, practice, and be fully aligned with a community of similarly interested people. My quest to find this community was recently reawakened.
I’m fascinated by how we attract things into our lives, but never in a straightforward manner we many think something should happen. In my initial search, I found nothing. By happenstance, I joined a group of energy workers. As I was looking through the group participants, the spiritual/cultural practice keyword jumped out. A quick introductory email to what appeared to be an inactive group got a response. It was then that the fear began to seep in.
My intellect and my current understanding of the Law of Attraction told me I should be excited, elated that an opportunity to make a dream happen was transpiring. But I had the complete opposite reaction. I was fearful. I’ve had to take the last few hours to meditate on why I experienced fear. Is it my intuition guiding me away from an unsavory situation? I had to sit with that thought for a while. Intuition is a valuable tool of discernment. I don’t think that’s it. While I still have more to understand about my experience of fear, I’ve had a couple of thoughts.
The past seems to be the root of my experience of fear. Because of past experiences of misinformation or challenge related to this spiritual practice, my fear reaction flooded my mind with “What if…” questions. Not generative/creative “What If” questions, but ones that involved negative past experiences. The unknown seems to be an intertwined root. You’ve heard that quote “Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.” When I tuned into my thoughts, I realized that my fear was being generated by concerns of change and transformation. The change and transformation relating to losing something if I walked through this door opening. Again that is an experience-based in past experiences projected into the future.
The past and the unknown occupy two spaces on a time spectrum: the past and the future. What I realized, and still need to do some work on, is that any experience from my past is done—gone. Who I was, what I did, what was done to me, how I interpreted events—lack relevance in the present moment. Any thoughts or fears I have about the unknown—the future—become misdirected, defeating energy. I do not know the future as it pertains to this specific door opening for me. Being fully present to now can be profoundly difficult. However, my experience of generating fear through the thoughts flooding my mind guide me to understand a key lesson. If I project into the unknown or drag forth the past, my experience of fear will close doors, set limitations, cloud my vision.
Peace & Blessings~
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